Turning 40… Kicking And Screaming

Eyesight really is the first to go. Or is that memory? I can’t remember.

But my eyesight is going. I went 40 years with perfect vision then BOOM!.. I’m blind. I have to pull things so far away from my face to read, they might as well be in the other room.

So I recently got my first pair of reading glasses. And I’m much less excited about looking smarter than I am sad that it’s not a fashion statement, I really need them.

It’s probably a coincidence this happened right around my 40th birthday. But it was sort of a double whammy of age creeping up that I wasn’t at all prepared for.

I don’t feel 40. Well, most of the time I don’t. Partly because I had my kids late (at least late compared to my mom’s generation) so they’re still young. Which helps me feel young (or much older depending on the day).

So when my husband, out of the blue, said, ‘Hey, how do you feel about this being the last day of your 30s?’ Well, thanks for that spectacular tact and timing, but before then I hadn’t actually thought about it much.

We didn’t have any kind of big celebration planned so I was going about my life as usual and then BAM!… Happy Birthday, I’m old now.

I don’t think I’ve fully wrapped my brain around who I’m going to be now.

In my 20s I was fearless. In my 30s I was tired. In my 40s I’m falling apart.

But I do know these things about turning 40. (I was going to do 40 things about turning 40.. but I got tired.)

Perfect vision doesn’t last forever… apparently just about 40 years

Everything hurts

Your hands look older and wrinklier

You see your mother’s face in the mirror

And there is soooo much gray

People call you ma’am

You get angry when people call you ma’am

You get offended when you don’t get carded for liquor

It’s a lot harder to keep excess weight off

You stop caring as much about keeping excess weight off

You start thinking of 30 somethings as young whippersnappers

You start using terms like whippersnapper

You start dreaming of retirement

You pick out your single bedroom condo by the beach for your retirement

You start stressing out about affording retirement (Don’t wait until 40 to worry about this.)

You’re only 10 years away from some senior citizen discounts!

You know they don’t make movies like they used to.. and when your kids are old enough you will make them watch the classics over and over and over again

You have a mustache.. and hair in other weird places

You forget why you walked into a room

You forget what groceries you need

You forget your kids’ names

You forget.. wait, what?

You don’t have a clue who’s singing on the radio

You can’t tell the Kardashians apart.. and you don’t care

You probably won’t ever be a Rockette…

Or a ninja warrior

And you give a lot fewer Fs about a lot of things.. especially what other people think of you (That’s my favorite one)